When Self-Care Backfires: Why Stressed-Out Women Feel Worse Instead of Better

The media tells all women-just focus on self-care & you should be fine-except, you’re not. You keep adding more to your self-care routine like a never-ending  grocery list hoping you will feel less overwhelmed or your body won’t act out…but it does again.

Is your self-care making you feel worse?

In this article, let’s explore-

• The underlying need to “self-care”

• Why your symptoms are getting worse not better

• Your body’s Unique Language

• How you can heal your body

• Somatic Psychotherapy & Spinal Flow in Fairfield, Vacaville, Vallejo, Davis & Napa Counties

Sandy came in with a barrage of journal pages and habit trackers that she’s used with her previous therapists. She told me she’s tried everything & I believe her.

From herbs to EMDR, what's a girl to do? 

All Sandy wanted was to wake up with enough energy to be able to function at work without the struggle of chronic exhaustion even with a full night’s sleep. She told me she used to enjoy chatting with people but now, she watches their mouths move, praying for it to shut up. Her attention has shut down. She’s irritable but hates that she is. 

Her mind wants to be doing something else but her body continues to betray her.

THE MYTH OF SELF-CARE

Society tells women-wake up early before the kids or meditate for your own good. These can be helpful, a way to supplement your body once it becomes oriented to homeostasis or calm.

But, you can’t add a fertilizer to a plant whose roots are too dry or beginning to rot due to over-watering. 

No amount or fertilizer (self-care or therapies) can sustain healing enough so that your plant (body) can begin to feel ease and thereby, alleviate symptoms of overwhelm, invisible pain, or chronic illnesses.

The myth of self-care without understanding the root source of your stress in your body is like buying more knives to cut a tomato. You don’t need more knives, you just need to sharpen the one you have.

Many women can be attracted to the lure of self-care because it keeps them busy & productive even if they don’t really solve the real issue.

A dysregulated body wants to keep moving, being still feels dangerous or a guilt-ridden time of the day.

Women whose body is in survival mode feels like time is slipping off their hands so they’re in the mode of chasing. G-- forbid, they stop what they’re doing, the sky might just fall out!

But, slowing down is exactly what is needed. 

Your symptoms are your body’s unique language to give you feedback that you’re going the wrong way.

WHY YOUR SYMPTOMS ARE GETTING WORSE

You wake up exhausted but you just kept pushing through-ignoring your body again.

Your nervous system is comprised of two parts: 1. Central Nervous System (CNS) your brain and spinal cord and 2. Peripheral Nerves, the nerves connected to your spine that supplies all your organs what it needs. 

Your body is a stark listener and when in survival mode from recent events or from long ago, constricts to ensure your survival. For example,  a body in a war zone will constrict so that metabolic  processes are slowed down, which would allow less food to be consumed because the body will hold onto the calories. This is is not only helpful but pivotal for humans to survive especially when food is scarce.

The brain goes by history so it likes to predict an outcome so as to conserve brain energy. If you’re interested in the neuroscience of this, I recommend the book-How Emotions are Made by Lisa Barrett. Consequently, it doesn’t make a distinction with events-whether they happened in the past or recent. Instead, if you’re still activated by it, it must still be happening. Time is fluid with the body and the adage that time heals all wounds, really depends on what you do with time. 

Your Central Nervous System is the one that constricts or opens up when you feel safer and at ease. But, the opposite is also true, when your CNS is free of blockages and layers of stress, the peripheral nerves around it starts doing what its supposed to do- your stomach stimulates digestion, your heart rate decreases, your eyes relaxes rather than dilates, which is a signal for threat. In a nutshell, your body relaxes. 

You are at ease which is the opposite of dis-ease.

YOUR BODY'S UNIQUE LANGUAGE

Your body speaks through sensations, emotions and the symptoms you’re experiencing. Another things that your nervous system can easily react to are images in your head. If you think of your favorite calm place, how does your body react?

If you think of a horrific event with all its details, how does your body react instead?

One of my teachers, Dr. Aline LaPierre creator of Neuroaffective Touch Therapy, beautifully puts it-

If someone’s talking to you and you keep ignoring them. That’s rude.

Exactly what we, women have a tendency to do not because we’re so busy doing the things.

Don’t be rude.

HOW YOUR BODY CAN HEAL

As a psychotherapist of almost two decades, I have more understanding of the nervous system than a decade ago. I truly believe that your body is conspiring for your wellness and health.

So, I don’t just do traditional psychotherapy (quite frankly, never had) , instead, I lean onto the body for nervous system ease and the mind for deep subconscious healing. 

Many schools of thought fight over the hierarchy of somatic (body) over the mind. In my perspective, there’s no debate. 

They belong together. 

Talk therapy falls short if it overlooks the nervous system.

Somatic work falls short if you don’t have a story to run with in your everyday life. The human brain loves a story so I work with it not against it. It’s too common that somatic therapies that overlook the subconscious mind can halt the healing process. Why? Because the mind can be overprotective of the body. 

To heal your body from depression, anxiety, overwhelm fatigue, or just unexplained pain entails a healing that incorporates subconscious  and nervous system healing. Watch the video below- to give you hope that your body is wise and that you can feel better.

In my practice, Somatic Psychotherapy & Spinal Flow, the mind and the body are both given priority. Why choose?

If you’re interested in Roanne Somatic Psychotherapy & Spinal Flow practice, book your free: Posture & Stored Stress Assessment below.

FINAL THOUGHTS

You don’t need to add more to your self-care routine. If your body is in fight or flight, no amount of self-care can bring sustainable healing.

The chronic fatigue, irritability or short fuse feelings you’re experiencing is your body’s unique language to tell you to-do something different.

Help is around the corner.

You don’t have to build an identity as the tired, cranky coworker. The mother whose constantly exhausted, or the friend who feels triggered by ever other word uttered by others.

You can feel better.

If this is you, book a free Posture & Stored Stress Assessment with Roanne. For residents near Fairfield, Vacaville, Suisun, Davis, Vallejo, & Napa Counties California.